I am only just learning that there is, in fact, a threshold for what creative things you can say about yourself in about a paragraph's worth of words. I should attempt to write a generic "for all use" paragraph that I can simply cut and paste into all relevant mediums, including resumes, playbill biographies and my myspace profile. Here we go:
Arlene is half of one thing and half of another and hopes one day in the future we are all some beautiful caramel color and also one giant religion. She hopes that that religion is agnostic. She can't not deny the existence of a God but otherwise finds very little value in or derives satisfaction from other doctrines or beliefs.
Arlene enjoys being the proud owner of long brown hair and dark brown eyes. Arlene uses contacts but plans on getting laser eye surgery eventually. Sometimes she wears glasses (when she isn't busy losing them) and they are the hot geeky kind, a la Tina Fey. Arlene is neither overweight nor really ugly. But as she likes to put it, she only puts about as much effort into her appearence so that when people look at her they don't go "Ewww." She's okay, that Arlene.
Like all products of a Postmodern world, Arlene's interest are so varied and constantly changing it would be pointless to list any here. Something that will never change: Arlene has a love, an obsession, a passion for food that rivals the Italians. And yet Arlene has enough self-control that she can actually refuse pizza and donuts. In fact, she does this regularly. Some think Arlene is a freak.
Arlene also loves to travel, but cannot afford it and would rather not talk about it right now.
I think that's sufficient. Now for some factors that cannot be part of the "standard" introduction:
1. Arlene has a hamster named Gadget. Gadget was purchased after a drunken incident that led to the loss of the previous hamster. Gadget is basically a replacement hamster, a fact which is related to her at every chance possible. Just like children who are constantly reminded that their existence was a "mistake," Gadget has become a tiresome teenager, acting out every chance she gets. For example, she just bit some holes in one of my Burberry purses. My favorite one!! She's grounded.
2. Arlene has a boyfriend who is basically her exact opposite in many ways, especially since he's a money rolling, condo owning tightass Jew, whereas Arlene is a broke-ass, renting hippie Shiksa. But they like the same movies and food, so it works out okay.
3. Arlene lives in Northern Virginia which many are surprised to learn is not a part of the Commonwealth of Virginia but its own entity entirely. Arlene lives in Arlington but all the cool people know it as Arleneton. Arlene spends an inordinate amount of time in Washington D.C. because she likes to be a part of the "scene." Arlene, however, is NOT a part of the scene.
4. Arlene does most of her work on an Apple computer. Arlene converted three years ago and has vowed never to return to the banality of PCs barring some sort of Senate ruling to shut down the company or other such horrific and horrendous events to think, one can't even imagine it, oh please let's talk about something else.
Thank you for allowing me to serve you! Enjoy reading my useless blog!